Mocha Jessop 12-15-95 to 9-22-09 R.I.P.

Six months ago today, what I fondly refer to as Black Tuesday, was the most difficult day of my life and I'll speak for Jeff as well that he too feels the same. Today was an equally difficult day in that we lost our wonderful dog Mocha. After nearly 14 years together we are deeply saddened by the loss. She was the greatest dog, a fierce protector, a loving pet, a loyal family member-one of our greatest joys. She howled and moaned the day we brought Jaimee home from the hospital, mourning all that had happened and showing us how much she had missed her buddy Jaimee. She faithfully laid under Jaimee's feet each day as she recovered.

When Mocha was a young pup she use to climb the fences like a cat-an odd sight for such a large dog. For a time when we lived in Simi she would prowl the Knolls ever night with her brother Max coming home exhausted in the wee hours of the morning-that party girl! She would sense danger and protect "her babies" (the kids). She was everybody's friend and proved it by every unwanted lick and clinging hair she left behind. She would out-smart the dog catcher, she would anxiously wait at the door for Jeff's arrival each day from work, she would crawl into bed with me and Jeff and sit on our laps like she was a 15 lb. dog instead of a 45 lb dog. She loved all adults and all children that passed her way whether they wanted her to or not. :)

As in all forms of life there is a day when death awaits for no one-today was that day. Mocha had shown us it was coming. She had lost her sight and taste in the last 2 weeks as well as she had distanced herself from the family by only wanting to be outdoors and sleeping most of the days and nights away. We were happy though to see her enjoying the big backyard at our new house for the last 5 weeks.

I don't know how much pain she was in when I found her having a seizure in the backyard today, but Jeff was good to ask the Vet to give her something to ease her comfort while we made the sad drive to the county shelter to have her put down. She never had to be put down though, she quietly and peacefully died at the shelter in Jeff's arms in the parking lot. Even in death she truly was a beautiful, kind old dog that loved life and loved us.

We'll miss you my dear, sweet Mocha

Lessons from Matthew

I've always been a person who didn't like to ask for help-for myself that is. It's a difficult thing to be vulnerable to others, to accept generosity in all its forms.  I have been thinking about this for months.  Jeff and I have talked about how much in awe we are of the kindness of so many. You would expect your family and friends to shoulder a burden or two on occasion but strangers from all over is quite another thing.  Its perplexing and yet humbling the sheer beauty in humanity.  

A couple of years ago we turned off the TV in our house and turned on conversation and reading.  The nice thing about doing that was 1. To cut the TV addiction of my family, 2. To tune out the garbage on TV and 3. To read online or watch video highlights of the most important news we wanted to know.  We no longer wanted to be the receptacle of so much filth pouring into our home, our minds and our attitudes.  After all, we do have a choice, right?  Much of what we saw was horrible, negative, and sometimes disgusting "news".  Well, what I think is news worthy are all the hundreds of people who have shown such amazing acts of kindness to our family.  It's not just kindness or goodness it's godliness- the light of Christ that has been blanketed over our family.  Matthew 25:35-36, 40 "For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in.  Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison: and ye came unto me. Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."  We were hungry and thirsty, without clean clothes or basic needs all of which was brought to us at will at the hospitals we stayed.  We were sick with grief and in a prison so to speak of the most immense pain and anxiety over what life would hold for our daughter, our family, not to mention whether or not she would even survive the first week.  Church family came to mow our lawn and clean our house.  Friends took care of our pets and wrote us letters.  They and those we didn't know sent cards and gifts, food and money.  Friends and strangers alike have come together to organize one fundraiser after another. Donations, whether of clothes for the garage sale or monetary came from all over.  The garage sale alone did not just bless our family it blessed the families of those who participated and those who with little money cried because they needed inexpensive furnishings for their kids as they were starting life over.  The goodness of God was seen and felt everywhere at every turn.  We truly were a stranger to thousands who prayed for our family, who prayed for Jaimee to survive-we were a stranger and taken in by your hearts and minds wrapping your love around our fragile family. Your strength made us strong:  Your faith buoyed our own:  Your encouragement helped us put one foot in front of the other.  What would this world be like if we didn't have one another?  Our Father in Heaven is such a loving God to give each of us so much purpose and meaning in each others lives.  How grateful we are for the knowledge that we are all brothers and sisters in a much larger plan.  

At Northridge hospital there was a little boy from Palmdale who was next door to Jaimee's room, his name was Matthew.  I never met him but he impacted our lives nevertheless.  His family arrived a couple days before ours.  He drowned in the backyard of his grandparents pool and lay there severely injured.  We came to know the family really well as families do in these situations while minutes and hours go by day in day out all waiting for some kind of hope.  In the process of waiting they found out we were Mormon and asked for a Priesthood blessing for Matthew.  I think it was the third day we were there and still in all our grief and not knowing what would happen to Jaimee we found ourselves praying for Matthew, comforting his family, having opportunity to serve their family with a blessing, it was ironic and wonderful at the same time; strangers brought together under the most difficult of circumstances supporting each other and hoping for the best outcome.  Sadly, Matthew died and yet in all their grief while Jaimee was for the first time showing improvement, they reached out to us with a loving embrace and encouraged us and said they would keep praying for Jaimee-such kindness and unselfishness after having loss little Matty.  Nothing can describe what that was like except that our families will always share that experience.  Thank you Matty for letting us be there for your family and for them being there for us.

What are the lessons in life we are suppose to learn?  I often ponder this question.  What is it that God wants me to learn?  How can I make His purposes manifest in my life?  I am still working on it, hoping for the clarity to come when its needed and that I honor my Heavenly Father in the process by being grateful for the experiences along the way.  I'll let you know how it goes...

Mardee

Also Check Out The Bird's Blog...

Forgot to mention all that happened in June!  My good friends the Bird's and the Jenk's held a fantastically successful garage sale for Jaimee's medical expenses that aren't covered by Kaiser.  Due to the success of that we are already starting to purchase things for Jaimee to keep her comfortable, safe and always re-learning!  Please go to the Bird's blog on the left of the screen to see the pictures. All the amazing donations took up three homes.  People kept coming all day non-stop!  thanks to all our good friends who gave donations to the garage sale and monetary ones to Jaimee.  We love you all!  Thanks to all the workers who worked all night the day before, the boys who camped out guarding the goods and all those who stayed to work on June 13th.  You all did an amazing job.  Special thanks to Michelle for once again doing what other won't-you are a great friend!  Because of you we will be able to get Jaimee some very needed items to help her continue to progress and to help her at every stage in her growth as she gets closer and closer to walking again.  Love you guys!!!!

Mardee and Jeff

I am Mother hear me ROAR!!!!

Ok, so the title of this post is a little self indulgent but hear me out...

Nine weeks ago we came home from the hospital exhausted and fed up with our experience at Kaiser in Hollywood.  I was done.  I had had it with the lack of good care and lack of a coordinated effort to help my daughter.  She was my daughter after all, I could get up with her and feed her in the middle of the night if she needed it, couldn't I?  I could bath her and take care of her, she was and always will be my little baby, right?  Knowing that we would have help from therapists and in home health care, dietitian and speech therapy and the list goes on.  We would be fine!

Low and behold after almost a week at home the phone hadn't rang from all those promised services.  Where was everyone?  As it turned out our discharge paperwork was never sent out of the hospital.  No one knew we even existed.  Shortly thereafter ensued the plethora of therapies, doctor visits, etc. all but the much needed speech therapy and dietitian intervention.  Jaimee had been receiving daily therapy and review of her diet in the hospital.  She did after all pass the swallow test and was sent home on a pured diet.  Well after 8 weeks, it finally took filing a formal complaint with Kaiser to get anyones attention.  That along with the 5 page letter I sent regarding our actual stay at Kaiser (perhaps I'll share that another time).

So we went for the speech therapy evaluation about a week ago and the therapist didn't think she needed her feeding tube any longer (G tube).  So a new swallow test was ordered for mid July.  My nurse and I decided that that just wasn't good enough.  We had been waiting weeks for help.  I alone had been pushing Jaimee to see how much she would let me ween her off the G tube.  Each week she ate a little better, her tastes came back, her jaws got stronger and as of last week I had given her only one feeding in the G tube (She started with 5 a day the amount needed to sustain her daily caloric intake).

It wasn't easy, feeding Jaimee in the beginning was painful-it took literally hours to get through one meal of 250 calories so I had to split up that one meal, half in the morning and half at night, each one alone could take an hour.  Eventually she could eat all of her one meal at one setting within 30-45 minutes so onward I continued to ween her and add back in more food.  Today, I am happy to say she is G-tube Free and 100% on solid foods!!!

She finally got that speech therapy appointment, the swallow test was ordered, after two sips of soy milk, two bites of applesauce and one bite of a cookie all with barium I might add, she was considered 150% NORMAL!  No weakness whatsoever!  TRIUMPHANT was all that came to me over and over again.  I had never felt the full effect of that word more than at that moment.  My adrenaline was pumping, tears began to flow, Jaimee and I rejoiced in our success.  We then walked across the street to see her G.I. doctor and out came the tube in one quick snip with the scissors and we were on our way.  I was so happy to share all of this with my cousin Shelby who was visiting from Utah and also with Madi her daughter, it was a great day!

I started this post the day after this event about ten days ago and I can only say there has been even more improvements.  Jaimee can prop herself up on her forearms and then push up on her hands into a sitting position.  She can't stay up for more than a few seconds on her own but she is making consistent improvements each day.  She can not only hold her cup if she drops it she can now find it and pick it up.  She is now saying "AH" and "M".  She is learning to communicate better by nodding her head for yes and side to side for no-the head control is a bit difficult but I see some improvements there too.  She can raise her hands for "up" and when she is hungry she just makes chomping gestures with her mouth which is adorable.  She is also learning to walk better.  Each day we walk her up and down the hallways from one place to another.  She really loves to walk.  She struggles and it will be some time perhaps a year before she gets the hang of it but she is learning to keep her feet flat right now and gaining strength in her legs.  She can stand on flat feet for about a half a minute with little support.  Sitting up is becoming old hat almost.  She can't quite do it all herself but if you hold her ankles or legs on the bed it's a cinch.  She is learning still to keep her legs down when she tries to sit.  She can sit in Jeff's recliner and just hang out watching a movie.  When you look at her you can't see that there's anything wrong with her at all.

Yesterday Jaimee was given her new wheel chair along with a gift of Becky the Par-Olympian friend of Barbie.  She sits in a wheel chair too.  Jaimee seems to be getting use to her new chair and we couldn't be happier to have her up higher than her car seat on the floor-now she sits at the table with us for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  She has a whole new found freedom and much better posture-her chair is even sparkly blue but we might need to put a little girl power into it with a little pink somewhere.  HUGE thanks to the Rice family for the many weeks of letting us borrow their jogging stroller-you are the best!  We love you guys!

Jaimee has made so many great improvements that as of next week she will be discharged from Kaiser In Home Health Care and sent to out patient therapy.  This means progress for her and more driving for Mom but I'm happy to do it.  I want to thank George, Lori Ann and Tammy for doing such an excellent job with Jaimee.  For using their talent and gifts to reach Jaimee, push her and make her work hard for each and every improvement.  George and Lori Ann have withstood all of Jaimee's flailing arms and legs, felt every slice and dice to the body and other tender areas, took every slap and kick to the face and gut without complaint (not much anyway) and just loved her better.  Thanks again to our friends at Kaiser Home Health-you're the best.  Lori Ann, we will keep praying that the doors will open for you to pursue your education and become the Pediatric PT you were born to be!  Tammy you helped me so much with Jaimee and reassured me in all my nursing efforts with her.  George, there's nothing better than having a friend from church show up at my door to be my daughter's therapist it was a joy to have you around-thanks for passing on your "toy-junk" (wink, wink).

We have some special prayer requests as this month will be a pivotal one in which many decisions will need to be made over the next month.  We will be moving to Simi Valley in August and will need a home to rent.  Our one and only working car broke down today and we are trying to find a used car that will fit our 6 person family, Jaimee's wheel chair and our "stuff".  All of the efforts to get the care Jaimee has received so far will all need to be moved to all new Doctors, Nurses, Therapists, etc. etc. and we are praying for an easy and smooth transition as we move her care to Simi Valley/ Woodland Hills Kaiser.  For Jaimee we are praying that strength continues to come to her arms and hands as she learns to sit up on her own and learns to feed herself again.  Thank you all for taking the time and effort to pray on our behalf. WE FEEL IT!!!  We couldn't have felt so sustained otherwise.  Love and blessings to you all and your families.

Mardee

High 5!!!

I know I keep saying the word amazing in just about every post I make but truly this girl of mine amazes me!  There are so many facets to traumatic brain injuries.  You can lose so much and yet if you are young enough you can regain it all back so fast.  Once again she has triumphed!  She has regained all five senses- Hearing, Vision, Touch, Smell and Taste! 

On Thursday evening I had Jaimee on my lap.  I ate a corn chip and noticed she was eye-balling it.  I asked her if she wanted a bite and put the chip in front of her, she leaned forward, opened her mouth and took and tiny bite on the end of the chip-she liked it. Although I had initially thought she had her appetite back, I never considered she had lost those senses since it wasn't ever discussed by the doctors before.  Friday she ate more and she seemed to be more fussy when I cooked meals for the family.  By Saturday she wanted just about anything anyone else was eating.  

After having beans and cheese, chips, crackers, blueberries and raspberries, juice, milk, eggs, and a bunch of other things I knew she was finally demonstrating hunger.  Sunday night sealed the deal.  I popped popcorn and the smell drove her into a frenzy demanding to be a part of the family fun.  We bit off the hard parts of the kernels, fed her the soft popped part and watched as she was left all smiles in a buttery bliss of popcorn. Not too shabby for only having been 11 weeks since the accident.

As of last night she ate chunks of chicken, cantaloupe and squash.  She seems to be eating faster, larger portions which is forcing her to exercise her jaws more to chew.  We can only hope she will be off her feeding tube soon (less than 6 months) so we can get her crawling again.    

For those wanting to continue to know what to pray for I would ask you to focus your prayers on Jaimee's ability to chew and to communicate through words and sign.  The down side of so much improvement comes much frustration in her lack of ability to communicate with us.  Thanks again for all the prayers.

Love,

Mardee 

Happy 4th Birthday Jaimee

This last week we celebrated Jaimee's 4th Birthday on Thursday the 28th of May.  The best news came that morning when I received a phone call from my mom that Jaimee had been granted a new customized wheelchair from the efforts of our patient advocate at United Cerebral Palsy Foundation!! I was instantly in shock and bawling of course.  The interesting thing about this story is that UCP contacted several places including fighting on our behalf with Kaiser for a wheelchair but to no avail.  Thanks to Teri Lantz from UCP, advocating on our behalf, she had a contact that heard Jaimee's story and wanted to help.  We can't see this than anything other than an answer to prayer.  Thank you Mom and Teri for making this happen for Jaimee!! 

In addition to that great news, a few days earlier we had a surprise visit from Sheriff Janice Banks the Sheriff who was first on the scene while I was giving CPR to Jaimee.  She came in and assisted me and together we finally were able to get a pulse on Jaimee.  I had only been thinking about finding her the previous day not knowing what her name was but wanting to thank her for what she had done for Jaimee, keeping me calm and how she kindly handled my boys in the aftermath.  Low and behold there she was at my door!  When she saw Jaimee she became very emotional.  In all the years she has been a Sheriff she has never had to give anyone CPR so this was quite emotional for her to see this little girl alive because she wasn't sure she would make it.  Thank you Janice Banks-we are bonded for life!  

Jaimee continues to show progress.  She tries holding a sippy cup and drinking by herself.  Her eye/hand coordination continues to improve.  At one time we suspected optical damage and now she can track across the room, hold your gaze, look into another room and smile at you.  We are amazed by how she demonstrates her will to heal herself.  She practically lifts half her body up to try and sit up in her bed.  She is saying more in just the last two days-lots of giddy squeals and laughter, along with more sounds that sound like words. We continue to pray for her body and mind to heal.  Just when Jeff and I start to feel down and out it's Jaimee's hearty laughter that brings us back to reality.  The boys are a big part of this as well.  They tickle her, help her pray like they did when she was a baby learning to talk.  They hold her drink for her, experiment making baby food for her and feed her until she spits at them and they all roll with laughter.  I remember one of the many hundreds of thoughts that pored through my mind while giving her CPR was that her brothers just couldn't live a life without her-she has to make it for them.  I see why now, they just adore her every move, her every sound, her every giggle and when she has a bad day, it's they who make her laugh another day.

Love to all,

Mardee 

 

5/21/09

I just had my awesome cousin leave me so I'm a little sad now since she fit right in with our little family and spoiled me rotten with her amazing energy and equally amazing cooking! Jeff and I actually got to go on several dates and recall what it is to be a couple again with time to laugh, talk, have picnic dinners (made by Kristin of course) and catch some movies. Thanks Kristin, you are the best and we could never repay you for what you have done for our family. Love you!!!

So now it's back to the grind although we are never without help these days from family and church family. What would we ever do without you!!! Such a blessing to our lives.

I know you are all dying to hear the updates on Jaimee, so here goes...she is getting better at holding her head up. She can hold her head up for about 10-15 seconds sitting on my lap or holding her up in her bed. Her back and hips are getting very strong, in fact she can lift her butt and back up so I can put on a diaper or clothes, so that helps since she is very tall and bigger than a baby which makes it sometimes awkward. She can also lift her head up and help pull herself up in her bed but she can't support herself yet. The stronger her neck and back gets the better for when she learns to crawl which by the way she is getting ready to do soon. When her stomach is properly bandaged she can roll on her tummy and is starting to find her hand/elbow strength for proping herself up and she can lift and turn her head for a few seconds. Soon after her G-tube is replaced with the Mickie or button tube then she should be able to more easily learn to start crawling. We do prop her on her knees and she does like to scoot forward. She can even stand on her feet and bare weight for about 20-30 seconds as I hold her and we rock back and forth practicing the feeling of standing. We hope her hand and leg coordination come back soon to help aid her in these processes of crawling/walking. Last Sunday I think, Jeff gave Jaimee a cup and helped her learn to drink from it which she did with some practice. In the last couple of days I have worked with her holding a sippy cup and drinking from it. She cannot hold anything yet but we keep practicing. She did learn after about 4 or 5 trys how to sip from the cup. I have been reducing her meds since she has more muscle control and less muscle spasms. After waking up with what looked like a hangover the other day I have now reduced the meds even more. So as she gets stronger she shows us how she is ready to move on. With all the progress we have much to be grateful for and yet I do have those days of lots of tears and sorrow as I see her trying to do things in her therapy appointments that she just can't do (for now). Seeing just how far she has to go and how many years this may take is daunting at times but it's the support and love and encouragement from all around that reminds us to be strong and faithful. I wish I could take this all away from her but she continues to show us just how strong she really is.

As school is tapering off and busy schedules slow down for the summer for all of you and your families we hope you have great plans to enjoy the great weather, take lots of pictures and videos, spend quiet moments together hugging and tickling eachother. We wished we had taken more videos of Jaimee and being the last kid it ended up being the last on "the list". Sometimes we far too often put the most important things at the bottom of the list and let the less important rise to the top of the list.

Love and hugs to all!

Mardee